Communication

Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. Studies have shown that words make up 14 percent of communication, tone makes up 35 percent of communication, and non-verbal makes up 51% of communication.

We have all read a text message or an email wrong because we read it with a different tone than the person who wrote it had in mind. We also may imagine their body language differently than they intended which can also create confusion.

There is a quote that says, “A great marriage isn’t natural, it is supernatural.” So, what makes it supernatural?

Communication is one of those things that sets relationships apart. We all know or a couple or a family that does not communicate very well and because of it they may have negative individual relationships with one another. They may fight a lot, or not want to be near one another.

From my own personal experience there are a lot of people that say communicating is hard for them. They may not have grown up communicating how they feel or what their opinion is, which can then make it difficult for when they have relationships to feel like they can express adequately what they feel or think.

Communication requires the ability to be vulnerable sometimes. In communication you often need to talk about feelings that are involved and that isn’t always easy, however it is important. When someone knows and understands what you are feeling, they are better able to see your point of view or your side of things. When you aren’t willing to be vulnerable and express that then it can create confusion and frustration on one or both ends.

Another important part of communicating is expressing your thoughts and opinions and a willingness to be wrong. You need to have humility for communication to be effective. If you are always thinking you know what is best or if you know how to fix things, then it diminishes the thoughts and opinions of the other person and that is not going to help the situation as well.

Decision making goes along with communication. Many couples have unhealthy methods of making decisions. Some use compromise when making decisions, others use the divide and conquer method.

It was just recently that I discovered how damaging the divide and conquer method is and how it is one of the more common methods to use. This is when the wife takes care of all of the housework and things that involve the home and the husband goes to work and takes care of the finances; he may even be in charge of the yard work.

When theses “assignments” are given, they aren’t always help given to one another. It is easy to get into the mentality that “your jobs are yours and I am not going to do them”. This can cause difficulties because a divide in the relationship can occur. They may no longer feel like they are working together anymore.

I know in my family we grew up with this method of who does what. My dad worked and my mom and us kids made sure the house was clean. Then when it came to the outside work we would help our dad and my mom often stayed in the house doing other things as we were outside working.

I have seen how this has divided my parents. I know for me personally I would go to my dad if I wanted to do something that my mom wouldn’t let me do because he would most likely say yes. This is how it is in a lot of families.

Communication and decision making skills are both important to have in relationships. When those skills are strong the marriage is stronger and the family is more unified. Practicing these skills when you are young is crucial. They take practice to get better at just like everything else in life.