Patterns

Patterns are all around us. There are patterns in your daily routine. There are patterns in the friendships you have with others. There are patterns in your family.

One thing my family likes to do is quilt. Most of us in my family have made many quits. Some are more advanced than others, but we enjoy making them, especially for others. When making a quilt you pick out fabric that goes with one another. If the patterns or colors clash, then you choose a different fabric.

You also must choose the pattern of the quilt. Will you do simple squares, will you do rectangles? Will there me different shapes? How big will it be? All of this is decided before you make the quilt and usually before you go out and buy the fabric so that you know how much you need.

The most recent quilt I made was for my best friend. It had camo fabric, elk fabric, deer fabric, and some solid blacks and browns mixed in with it. It was a simple quilt, with just squares and there was a certain order I laid out all the fabric. It wasn’t a random quilt with different squares everywhere, but they would go diagonally down the quilt.

I have also done a random quilt where there wasn’t much repeating fabric. There were usually just one or two squares that had the same pattern on them. Even this was a pattern. I intentionally and purposefully put different squares together to make a fun random quilt.

In marriage there are patterns and habits that form. During the first two years of your marriage habits are made and patterns are established. Some may not even realize patterns they are establishing, and this can be harmful when they get older and add children to the mix.

For example, what if there is an argument and one person always walks away from the conversation and leaves? This, if repeated every time there is an argument, can be an unhealthy pattern that forms in the marriage. When it is just the husband and the wife, this may not seem like a big deal, but when they have children, this can cause more conflict.

Once children are added in the mix of things, they may notice this pattern in their parent’s relationship. As they grow up, they may begin to do the same thing. They may get in an argument with one of their parents and walk away. I can almost guarantee that the parent will not be okay with this, but if you take a step back, isn’t this what they have taught their children through their example?

This is why the first two years are crucial in developing healthy habits. Both partners will be learning to live with the other, there will be an adjustment for both of them. That is why they need to create healthy patterns in their communication, decision making, routines, etc.

Patters are observed and learned by children. They watch what their parents do and they imitate it. They do this with both the good and the bad that happens. That is why this is so important. If you establish those healthy patterns in your marriage they will then continue on with your children. They then will see those patterns and hopefully learn them and carry those same good patterns on with their future families.

Being a parent is no easy thing. There is so much that goes into it that you don’t even realize or think about. Patterns in the home are one of those things that really needs to be thought about. When you pick the pattern you want then work on all the details needed to make it happen you will have a better marriage and a happier home.