Have
you ever wondered how dating used to be different compared to today? I decided
to call my mom and ask her how she has seen dating change just in her lifetime.
She talked about how when she was my age, she would go on more one on one
dates. She sees lots of people today going on group dates when they should be
paring off.
She also
talked about how the boys that asked her out were more assertive it was very
clear when you were going on a date. Today people often “hang out” and they don’t
call it a date. She also mentioned that if a guy liked you, he asked you out,
and then you eventually started to date. In society today you get your friends
together and plan something to invite the boy you like to, and then your
friends try to talk to him and suggest to him that he should ask you out. It is
a more complicated process than it used to be.
The
most interesting thing to me that she talked about was the fact that
relationships today get physical a lot quicker than they used to. This made me
think of the RAM model.
In the
RAM model a healthy relationship has all of the levels in a downward diagonal.
You get to know a person really well and then trust them. Relying on them,
commitment, and physical touch come after. If one of these is very high, then
the relationship isn’t in balance and can be unhealthy. I found it interesting
that just in my mom’s lifetime she was able to notice this shift or change that
has occurred.
Everyone
knows that dating leads to courtship which then leads to engagement and then leads
to marriage. Is this the cycle we follow today?
Dating has been redefined. When I
was in high school people considered themselves dating but they never went on
dates. They would spend time together in at school and sometimes outside of
school but then wouldn’t go out on dates together.
Courtship has also been redefined.
Many people today are exclusive, but they live together. This didn’t used to be
the case. It used to be that you lived together once you got married. People
wait longer to get engaged and married than they used to. Some people date for
10 or more years before they get married.
The world we live in today is much
more different than the way things used to be. I think each of us can decide
for ourselves if we think the changes in society are good or bad. I personally
think that dating should shift to the way that it used to be.
Of course, this is easier said than
done. We can’t change everyone’s attitudes all overnight. We can, however,
change the way we act and the way we do things. I have sat in so many meetings
where men are told to ask more girls on dates and to take initiative. I have
known many girls who are tired of waiting around for guys to ask them out so
they ask them out. I don’t think this is wrong, but I also don’t agree that it
is their responsibility.
The way I see it is this, guys have
a responsibility to ask girls on dates. Dating is to get to know people and to
figure out what qualities you like in a person and what you don’t. When you
find someone who has a lot of those qualities you like you start courting, or
dating exclusively, and then see if that leads to engagement and marriage. If
not, then you go back to dating and getting to know people who have qualities
you like.
I understand it is easier said than
done, but if we don’t even take baby steps towards change, we can only expect
it to get worse instead of better.
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